My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
