It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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