Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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