So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
