I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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