problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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