Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
