is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
