So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
