Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
