So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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