I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
