dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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