covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
