I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
