btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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