I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
