i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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