My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
