youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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