my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
