cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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