i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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