he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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