apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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