Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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