im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
