Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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