I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
