I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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