Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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