you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
