u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
