her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
