you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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