they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
