I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
