So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
