My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
