well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
