if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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