Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
