just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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