My first STD was from a foam party
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
