How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
