News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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