Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
