You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
