There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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