If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
